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What others are saying:

"They want me to be a whore!"
-- Linus Torvalds.

"He doesn't scare me as much as he scares others."
-- Richard Stallman

"Jesus Christ, who are these people?"
-- Bill Gates

"I don't remember agreeing to that."
-- Janet Reno

"This is horseshit. Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit. And for those of you who don't know what that means, it's the shit that comes from a horse!"
-- Greg, Columbia Internet


MS Linux: Shipping in November 2003

Microsoft Linux

Overview

Microsoft Linux provides all the power of the Linux Operating System with the ease of use you've come to expect from Microsoft Products.

Microsoft Linux brings a new level of productivity to Linux, without sacrificing flexibility, performance, and control. In addition to features like My Home Directory and My Configuration, Microsoft Linux contains greatly improved support for Web and Enterprise development.

With Microsoft Linux Enterprise Edition, you can create scalable multi-tier applications using our new Graphical User Interface command-Line Technology (GUILT)?. Extend your productivity with optimized support for Internet Active-XWindows? Technology and built-in Internet Xplorer web browser.

Why Upgrade To Microsoft Linux?

Internet Integration: You can now connect directly to the Web from anywhere on your computer through the new MSN Daemon -- no more hassling with pppd -- and use the Internet Xplorer browser to surf to any file or directory on your computer.

More Swap Space: Microsoft Linux provides an average of 28 percent more swap space, thanks to a feature called IntelliSwap that enables more efficient use of your hard drive.

Faster Applications: Microsoft Linux loads your most frequently used applications up to 36 percent faster, thanks to GUILT's? new type-ahead command-line features.

Microsoft Linux Update: is a Web site that makes it easy to download the latest software updates for your specific computer. No more untarring and gunzipping problems thanks to new Graphical Point-And-Click RPM Management.

Supports Current and New Generation Hardware: Microsoft Linux supports all the hardware devices you now run on your current Linux installation, plus it supports a new generation of hardware that includes Plug-and-Play For Linux? devices--which make adding and removing peripherals a snap.

Automatic Computer Maintenance: The Maintenance Daemon (scand) in Microsoft Linux helps you quickly set up a routine of automatic tune-up activities that keep your computer running in top form.

Troubleshooting Daemon: Microsoft Linux includes a new Troubleshooting Daemon (crapd) that help you zero in on a solution if you ever have a problem.

Support Services: Microsoft is proud to announce a new MS Linux support line, available 24 hours a day, 6 days a week to assist you with any problems you may have installing or using MS Linux. Just call 1-900-MS-LINUX.

How do I get MS Linux?

We are now offering the MS Linux Introductory CD at a special introductory price of only $249.99 (plus shipping and handling), if you order before it ships.

MS Linux is released under the provisions of the Gates Private License, which means you can freely use this Software on a single machine without warranty after having paid the purchase price and annual renewal fees.
Hot Topics

Microsoft Invades Cuba
Microsoft's plan to invade cuba and overthrow the government has succeeded. One Microsoft official said "It's a win-win situation. The US Government is happy and shuts up the DOJ while Microsoft institutes a monopoly within Cuba for everything from computer software to toilet paper. One more step closer to world domination. Heck, we could feed a whole development department for the cost of one developer's salary in the US. They may not know how to create an Operating System very well, but neither do our US developers."

Microsoft Monkey Colony on Mars
Microsoft has announced that a team of monkeys will be shot into space in 2005 to establish the first Martian Colony. At a recent press conference, Bill Gates confirmed, "We are already training the monkeys to do simple tasks like reboot the space ship when it blue screens. The space vehicle will be running our newest product, SpacePod 2004. This product will instruct the monkeys how to colonize Mars and establish trade with the Martians. We intend to monopolize this market before Human travel to Mars is possible."

MS Linux to have Start Button
Microsoft is working to incorporate the well known "Start" button from the Windows Platform into X Windows' Gnome interface. "We just can't figure out how the hell to get that darn foot out of there! The damn thing is like stuck." The team will have this feature ready by product launch.

MS Linux Faces Competition
Microsoft has hired lawyers to attack it's own product line in an attempt to confuse the DOJ. This stunning new tactic shows great promise according to several Harvard Law professors, although many expressed confusion when questioned about the long term effects of this campaign.

More News ...
Last updated:  Thursday, April 13, 2000
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